HOLY SHIT! Tell me there’s no better eye candy than staring at these asshats…

Being that we live in the great state of California, and more specifically in the LA area, we rarely get the pleasure of laying eyes on this shit-feast. On our end, the human trash equivalent is the completely unoriginal, stuck in 1998, BRO that tends to hang out on Main Street Huntington Beach and makes the hour long trek from Riverside (See Affliction.) But every now and then you are blessed with the opportunity of spotting these guys at a club, after-hours diner, or gas station (pre-club) where they stock up on Red Bull, lip gloss and chewing gum so their breath smells minty fresh and they have enough energy to “scam on the bitches.”

Case in point:

“HI! I’m a fag!!”

WOW

The sad part is girls ACTUALLY fall for their schemes and, more unlikely yet true, their FACES. God, I’m not even sure whether to continue blasting them or vomit, oh wait…here’s more:

Don’t worry, I won’t forget the ladies, aka Guidettes (Bro-ho’s with foamy sandals,) that LOVE hanging out with these guys:

They are the morons that can’t take a picture without giving the middle finger or the “rock” sign, ya know, the devil horns that Dio, for the most part, made famous.

Now, I’m generally not one for negativity, but I do spend a lot of time in New Jersey with some family and let me tell you, the great Garden State of New Jersey let’s these freaks run rampant; and what’s more is they are complete and utter ASSHOLES. Sure, dress how you want, do what you gotta do. But somewhere in the Guido codebook is the line: “do whatever possible do attract bitches, fight other guys, and be a complete representation of what you look like: a fuckhead.” If they were nice (and by “they” I am definitely lumping them into a subgroup of society) I would probably let it slide, but for reals guys…all the shit talking coming out of your mouth is getting old, and I’m not sure how you can even open your mouth with the gobs of lip gloss on…wait, what’s that…another picture? Shit yes:

Something about that guy makes me want to giggle until my spleen bursts. I mean after all, he IS Superman, he’d help me.

I will leave you with the best description of these tards I can find: Urban Dictionary definition of a “Guido”: An Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to “hit the clubs” long into his mid to late 30’s. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.

And stop trying, Italy doesn’t want you back.

HAPPY TIMES!